DarkStarAnjel59's Xanga

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 08:18:06 GMT

"...a dream is a wish your heart makes...when your fast alseep..."

but if only dreams could come true. haha, and so i'll sit here and wait, waiting for prince charming to come by and sweep me off my feet and take me away...if only life could be that simple.

no...im just dreaming of seeing someone, hearing someone's voice again...

i cant really sleep

ikryzen!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 15:34:03 GMT

...yeah

sometimes you just have to have hope...believe that things will turn out the way they are suppose to...that everything will be ok.

but sometimes there will always be that doubt...that one little feeling inside...the one that feels like things will never be how you want them to be...

- - - - - - - - - -

as far as my life goes...i now got me about 3 weeks of summer vacation left and i still gotta finish/start my summer work for Spanish 4 AP and English AP...procrastinating just makes life more fun...LoL

iKryzen!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 16:44:10 GMT

im back! haha, i had me a long...long break from this xanga.

sleeping beauty has just been woken up & feeling better than before.

iKryzen!

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 07:03:45 GMT

I need some time...

because there is so much i wish i could say...

wen you dont like wat you see and you've been seeing it for a long time now, you cant just not do nothing...if you dont like something, try changing it.

im trying to love the person i see in the mirror....because once i do, then i can finally set myself free...

and then...i can be one less problem in this world

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Sat, 14 May 2005 05:10:13 GMT

Know what today is? Yeah, Friday the 13^th! Woohoo! NOT! Something bad alwayz happens to me this day fer sum reason…don’t really knoe why… I wish I was irish tho! Haha

Lets see…wat happened? Yeah…me n my friend missed our ride home, so we walked…only takes us bout 45 minutes, but still. Hey, its exercise I guess, right?

Wellz, I’m proud of myself...i’ve kept my CaL. Intake down to less than 600 a day this week. There were several days though where the number was less then 300. I’m going to try to make that number way lower starting this Monday. I’m going to try to go less than 100…I just hope that I could pull it through. And I’m going to see if I could keep this exercising daily thing up. I’ve been running/jogging on my treadmill for 2 miles a day. Feels so good!

Don’t tempt me please! But then again, when I see that, i don’t feel tempted at all…its just…not nasty, but I just don’t feel the hunger for those kinda foods anymore.

don’t even knoe how bad...

Guess I’m not happy yet? I cant help but notice wats not perfect…but im working on it

• "I am your butter and your bread, the voice that's in your head. I'll take you in and fill you up with a lack of being fed" –Ana

kryzen

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Thu, 12 May 2005 02:22:23 GMT

i hope that you guys like my new layout...i wanted to find one with the picture of Paris at night, but this is the closest i got to it! sorrie, no more pink for now...maybe just a little bit tho!

i was thinking...it wouldnt be so bad going to college in the city, like New York...it would kewl living there for a while, i love how alive some cities are at night...it is so beautiful at night...

wellz, here a poem i just wrote about less then a week ago:

Deadly Addicted

I'm empty inside
weak all over
it feels like I'm dying
i can sleep forever

but i have to, need to stop
yeah, i know i should
cuz my head is pounding, hands shaking
but it feels so good...
©Kryzen

yes, i knoe wat i might get myself into, but i didnt exactly what i would face...i didnt know that there was other things that could happen to me, and that sometimes it could be fatal/deadly.

i need to, have to stop...but it does feel good...cuz even though its hard and taking a toll on my body, it just feels as if i am getting myself some where...that i am actually doing something right for myself. i know that no one is perfect, but with this, i feel that i could at least be closer to perfection...

i am in control...but at the same time, it feels like i've lost control...

maybe...just maybe...Ana is taking over...my life...

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 20:26:42 GMT

Even though sometimes u knoe its wrong...u jus cant help but keep on doing it...and i knoe, cuz i have done that...so many times…I’ve done things that I wouldn’t admit now or even later, and to even to my closest friends.

I just cant ever get anything right. But when I do get something right, it always seems to slip…away from me. and I’ve gotten used to that. That’s why I never asked much from anybody. I never wanted to ask for more than anyone would want to give to me.

but after a while, it just feels all so hopeless…like what’s the point of trying anymore? Like it feels easier to give up than to fight it. I’ve realized this sometime ago, and it had me thinking so many things.

The only person that can save myself, change myself, is me. but what good would I do to myself when it almost feels as if I gave up. There’s still hope, but I don’t want to hope…because im scared…of letting myself down again, and getting hurt.

Because sometimes it’s just easier to give up than to work hard

Because sometimes your best is not good enough

Because sometimes giving your all leaves you with nothing in return

Because sometimes at the end, hope can let you down

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 07:49:17 GMT

hMmmmM...i spent saturday at a family party.LoL, me and my cuzin jackie snuck out fer a while to visit her old school nearby.wen were hopping fences on the way bak... that reminded her of mexico, LoL.

afterwards, i went wit my other older cuzins to go swimmin at their house.tha pool was freakin cold.it was nearly 60 degrees in there...haha, probably cuz its not officially summer and it was 7pm wen we started to swim.

im gonna start writing like how i used to write in here before...more of my personal thoughts.

im starting to think that I need to start writing and letting it out again… even if it is just little by little. :) well, here i go... ][jus hope i wont regret this][

every time i look into the mirror, every time i see myself, think about myself...i feel so low.like im not good enough and i might never be…for myself, my parents, others…sometimes i just dont feel pretty... tho i knoe that no one is perfect and that perfection is in the eye of the beholder, that beauty is not one thing but a variety of things...thru my eyes, its just not what i want to see.

cuz there are so many thoughts going thru my head everyday...thoughts of what i should be, thoughts of what they want me to be, thoughts of who i am, who i am not...

i wouldnt deny it cuz i knoe it's true.i am insecure about myself.i have always been insecure.

LoL, its funnie how much of a hypocrite i am about this.i tell ppL how they should never think badly about themselves at all, that everyone is beautiful in their own way and there is something special about them that no one else has...you just got to get to knoe them, give it time...

im tryin tho...im trying to change the way i am, the way i think...but i cant promise to myself that i wont do anything

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 09:05:04 GMT

hoLa se][x][y ppL!

heh...jus got bak from tha philippines this mornin...(wednesday morning..) i was suppose to b bak tuesday nite but...ehh...long story...lets jus say tha trip from my mom's place to manila, manila to hong kong, hong kong to LA, LA to SF, then SF to sacramento was a lil too long fer me...oh wellz...

i wanna go bak again...mayb like next year? LoL...tha only thing that i didnt like bout being there fer 3 weeks was tha baths...i had to take a shower wit cold water... man...once i showered with 3 cockroaches at my dad's place...then one time at my mom's place this really big spider some how made it to my arm while i was showering.... of course i screamed...LoL

man...im gonna miss "my kids"...LoL, thats wat my family teased me bout while i was there...my niece(5 ys old) and nephew(2 ys old) are "my kids"...LoL, they some how got really attached to me and stuff. wenever we got home they would run up to me or start shouting "tita kryzen is here"... im gonna miss that...hehe...i felt so special being favored, LoL

oh yeah...i learned some words/phrases in ilocano...like..."how much is this/that"...i learned them cuz i needed to learn how to be able to buy things there and not get over charged and being taken advantage over...hehe

was really fun tho..specially wen i went out wit my cuzins on tha days we had festivals at my mom's place....man...there was this one time wen we rode this one ride...i learned that next time i go on anything i should not b by myself in a seat. LoL, but there was no next time fer me...cuz there were these guys working there and 2 of them joined in tha ride. one of them sat in tha seat in front of me and tha other sat next to me... wen tha ride got really fast, tha guy sittin next to me asked me somethin...something i did not see coming at all, and it was exactly what my aunt teased me about before i left to go to tha philippines. after tha ride, he and tha other guys were telling me how tha ride isnt over yet...but my older guy cuzin was like tellin me how we had to go and stuff...

damn...so many things happened...LoL, but so little im gonna type...getting kinda late and i gotta go to school today...which is so wrong...its like 3 in tha morning and im not yet tired....its tha change of time thats throwin me off

s e ][ x ][ y

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 23:00:47 GMT

hoLa se][x][y peopLe!

jus wanted to post here fer tha las time till i come bak... im leavin fer tha philippines tomorrow(wednesday) night! im so excited! watch, wen i come bak April 6th, ima b hella darker than i am now and wit a sunburn...haha, like wen i went 5 years ago...

hMm...dont knoe wat else to say...damn...this mite b tha shortest blog, LoL

wellz, ima miss all u guys that i knoe who cares enough bout me to b readin my xanga!